When agreeing to go on my first trip to Slovakia (also my first trip to Europe), I truly feel
that it was not my decision. The Adam that made that decision was completely
incapable of understanding the ramifications of agreeing to trust in God to
such an extent. Mostly due to the fact that I am so used to only considering
the limits of my own strength. That helps me to define trust: To completely
rely on the strength of someone else; confidence in someone else’s abilities. Pride
tends to cause us to put the trust we have in ourselves on the same level as trust
in God, or even higher than Him. For some, trust in self completely eclipses a
trust in God. This is a restraining, foolish endeavor, as a complete trust in
God is the very definition of freedom. Proverbs 3:5-8 reads;
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.”
My anxieties started early in the preparation for this trip.
Around the New Year, both the lead pastor and the discipleship pastor at my
church were encouraging me to go. This immediately “cut against the grain” in
my selfish heart. After all, I had other plans. It was announced in November of 2014 that the company I had
been working for the past 11 years had been acquired by another company.
Myself, and the rest of the office staff, would end up losing our jobs. Leaving
the country around the same exact time as losing a job did not sound like a
great idea to me. “It sounds like a lovely idea,” I thought, but the timing
just did not seem right. There were many other fears, as well. I’m not the
typical “crazy American” this camp is accustomed to. How can my introversion be
of use in such a high-energy setting? How am I supposed to raise support? I don’t
know people with a lot of money, and I certainly do not have a lot of cash
lying around. All these fears (and many more) had me asking myself an important question, "Was my trust in myself or God?"
Prior to leaving I prayed intently about my trust in the
Lord. While reflecting on this, I had no idea what level of trust I was
lacking. This revealed an important lesson in how well sin can disguise itself
in our lives. It can be right under our noses! As we grow closer to Christ, His
righteousness will continually reveal iniquity in our own lives. Also, I had no
idea how this trust would be added to me. That’s the thing about prayer; once
you surrender and admit your need for him, he will astound you at how he
delivers. That in and of itself is a provision; the capability to witness his
work. As He proves that not only is He far above you, but he is for you, as
well. Consider Romans 8:31, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is
for us, who can be against us?” The “who” in this verse often times can be our
own sin and pride, manipulated into an opposition that can stand between us and
our goal of surrendered lives.
Why then, was my heart gripped with fear, anxiety, and
uncertainty? These are sure symptoms of a lack of trust, even a lack of faith.
Only considering my limits, I doubted
God could use me in any way in Slovakia. Selfishly, I did not consider the
eternal attributes of God. The Christian life is one of surrender, implying
complete trust in Him. If we are to truly become disciples of Christ, a
Christian, we will hear the words of Jesus and live by them. Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny
himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his
life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it”
(Luke 9:23-24). Pride will fight the denial of self to the death, but a life of
surrender will kill pride and our “old self.”
As we surrender, it is important to realize what we are
agreeing to. The Christian life carries itself out in the individual in two primary
ways. The first is a type of “inner warfare.” This is our “vertical life.” Our
heart is open and focused “up;” this is where we are getting “right” with God. The
life of a Christian is also aimed outward to others, in what we can call “work.”
This is our “horizontal life,” which is the effect of our “vertical life” on
the world around us. These two aspects of the Christian life are summed up
nicely in 2 Peter 1:3-15, emphasis on vv 5-8. Also, consider the Ten Commandments
given to Moses by God (Exodus 20:1-21). The first four are focused on your relationship with
him. The rest focus on our interaction with the world around us. Let’s look at
a popular passage written by Paul to the Ephesians:
“For by grace you have
been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of
God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his
workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared
beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:8-10).
There are two aspects of this passage I would like to point
out. The first is that we are a new creation in Christ (“his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus…”), yet we are still
flesh. Therefore, the new creation is at war with our “old self.” However, our
old, sinful desires do not magically go away with an altar call (consider
Romans 7:13-20; Ephesians 4:17-24).This is the aforementioned inner warfare of
the Christian. My pride was getting in the way of me accepting this call to
Slovakia. I had many excuses; I was losing my job, raising support seemed
impossible, I’m starting school, I’d be of better use in Africa. These excuses
were me attempting to reason or barter with God; my “old self” trying to get
one over on the new creation.
The second part I would like to point out is the last line;
that we should walk in these good works. This is the “horizontal life” I
mentioned. Doing this is impossible without having our “vertical life” centered
on God. Walking in these good works, which are in a “manner worthy of the Lord,”
requires “knowledge of his will”. Only then will we see “fruit in every good
work” and even an “increasing knowledge of God” (consider Colossians 1:9-14).
The six months leading up to my trip to Slovakia have revealed to me a trust
that I was lacking; this same lack of trust was a lack of knowledge of his will
in my life. The trust gained is the fruit of this good work.
If the trust that I learned over the past six months was a
good work that God prepared beforehand, what do I have to be anxious about? The
love of God displayed by Christ casts out all fear (consider 1 John 4:18).
Therefore, the anxieties of raising support, teaching English for the first
time, being older than the students, etc. should not exist. The removal of
these fears in the face of complete trust in the Lord is liberation like I had
never imagined. A liberation that can only be defined as “peace.” Isaiah 12:2
says,
“Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.”
“Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.”
Brothers, sisters, and friends who may not know Him, I pray that
this trust is also yours. The trust gained in the Lord is a lifelong process
that has to begin somewhere and it does not stop. He reveals new glimpses of his character everyday. I pray that the path to surrender and trust is
illuminated by the “radiance of the glory
of God and the exact imprint of his nature,” Jesus Christ. You may already
have this, and I pray that it increases as you walk in good works and give thanks and praise. Soli Deo
Gloria!
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