Trust in the Lord with All Your Heart: Slovakia Part 1

When agreeing to go on my first trip to Slovakia (also my first trip to Europe), I truly feel that it was not my decision. The Adam that made that decision was completely incapable of understanding the ramifications of agreeing to trust in God to such an extent. Mostly due to the fact that I am so used to only considering the limits of my own strength. That helps me to define trust: To completely rely on the strength of someone else; confidence in someone else’s abilities. Pride tends to cause us to put the trust we have in ourselves on the same level as trust in God, or even higher than Him. For some, trust in self completely eclipses a trust in God. This is a restraining, foolish endeavor, as a complete trust in God is the very definition of freedom. Proverbs 3:5-8 reads;

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.”

My anxieties started early in the preparation for this trip. Around the New Year, both the lead pastor and the discipleship pastor at my church were encouraging me to go. This immediately “cut against the grain” in my selfish heart. After all, I had other plans. It was announced in November of 2014 that the company I had been working for the past 11 years had been acquired by another company. Myself, and the rest of the office staff, would end up losing our jobs. Leaving the country around the same exact time as losing a job did not sound like a great idea to me. “It sounds like a lovely idea,” I thought, but the timing just did not seem right. There were many other fears, as well. I’m not the typical “crazy American” this camp is accustomed to. How can my introversion be of use in such a high-energy setting? How am I supposed to raise support? I don’t know people with a lot of money, and I certainly do not have a lot of cash lying around. All these fears (and many more) had me asking myself an important question, "Was my trust in myself or God?"

Prior to leaving I prayed intently about my trust in the Lord. While reflecting on this, I had no idea what level of trust I was lacking. This revealed an important lesson in how well sin can disguise itself in our lives. It can be right under our noses! As we grow closer to Christ, His righteousness will continually reveal iniquity in our own lives. Also, I had no idea how this trust would be added to me. That’s the thing about prayer; once you surrender and admit your need for him, he will astound you at how he delivers. That in and of itself is a provision; the capability to witness his work. As He proves that not only is He far above you, but he is for you, as well. Consider Romans 8:31, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” The “who” in this verse often times can be our own sin and pride, manipulated into an opposition that can stand between us and our goal of surrendered lives.

Why then, was my heart gripped with fear, anxiety, and uncertainty? These are sure symptoms of a lack of trust, even a lack of faith. Only considering my limits, I doubted God could use me in any way in Slovakia. Selfishly, I did not consider the eternal attributes of God. The Christian life is one of surrender, implying complete trust in Him. If we are to truly become disciples of Christ, a Christian, we will hear the words of Jesus and live by them. Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it” (Luke 9:23-24). Pride will fight the denial of self to the death, but a life of surrender will kill pride and our “old self.”

As we surrender, it is important to realize what we are agreeing to. The Christian life carries itself out in the individual in two primary ways. The first is a type of “inner warfare.” This is our “vertical life.” Our heart is open and focused “up;” this is where we are getting “right” with God. The life of a Christian is also aimed outward to others, in what we can call “work.” This is our “horizontal life,” which is the effect of our “vertical life” on the world around us. These two aspects of the Christian life are summed up nicely in 2 Peter 1:3-15, emphasis on vv 5-8. Also, consider the Ten Commandments given to Moses by God (Exodus 20:1-21). The first four are focused on your relationship with him. The rest focus on our interaction with the world around us. Let’s look at a popular passage written by Paul to the Ephesians:

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:8-10).

There are two aspects of this passage I would like to point out. The first is that we are a new creation in Christ (“his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus…”), yet we are still flesh. Therefore, the new creation is at war with our “old self.” However, our old, sinful desires do not magically go away with an altar call (consider Romans 7:13-20; Ephesians 4:17-24).This is the aforementioned inner warfare of the Christian. My pride was getting in the way of me accepting this call to Slovakia. I had many excuses; I was losing my job, raising support seemed impossible, I’m starting school, I’d be of better use in Africa. These excuses were me attempting to reason or barter with God; my “old self” trying to get one over on the new creation.

The second part I would like to point out is the last line; that we should walk in these good works. This is the “horizontal life” I mentioned. Doing this is impossible without having our “vertical life” centered on God. Walking in these good works, which are in a “manner worthy of the Lord,” requires “knowledge of his will”. Only then will we see “fruit in every good work” and even an “increasing knowledge of God” (consider Colossians 1:9-14). The six months leading up to my trip to Slovakia have revealed to me a trust that I was lacking; this same lack of trust was a lack of knowledge of his will in my life. The trust gained is the fruit of this good work.

If the trust that I learned over the past six months was a good work that God prepared beforehand, what do I have to be anxious about? The love of God displayed by Christ casts out all fear (consider 1 John 4:18). Therefore, the anxieties of raising support, teaching English for the first time, being older than the students, etc. should not exist. The removal of these fears in the face of complete trust in the Lord is liberation like I had never imagined. A liberation that can only be defined as “peace.” Isaiah 12:2 says,

“Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.”

Brothers, sisters, and friends who may not know Him, I pray that this trust is also yours. The trust gained in the Lord is a lifelong process that has to begin somewhere and it does not stop. He reveals new glimpses of his character everyday. I pray that the path to surrender and trust is illuminated by the “radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature,” Jesus Christ. You may already have this, and I pray that it increases as you walk in good works and give thanks and praise. Soli Deo Gloria!

Eleven Years Later...

Today is my last day working at a company I have been with for nearly 11 years. That's a third of my life! Needless to say this seems quite surreal to me. On Monday, I'll be unemployed for the first time since I was 15. That does not startle me, what startles me is that I will not be working for Moviestop. This company has been really good to me over the years, and I'm grateful to God that he guided me to the path I've walked for a decade now. When I look back at how things started and how they progressed, I'm dumbfounded and awestruck at seeing the sovereign hand of God in action. His divine nature is plain to me, and I have no excuse not to see it and give him thanks and praise. Romans 1:20 reads, "For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse."

Throughout this time, I have been through the darkest of lows and brightest of highs. The full spectrum of human emotion has been touched. Overtime, I learned that the "dark is just a canvas for his grace and brightness." That's where God truly shines; when you feel like there's nothing left on earth that can fill that void. "It's like you're eating every day, but never really full." Make no mistake, there is something out there and he's there for you. All creeds, races, walks of life have the opportunity to hear his call. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Can you imagine the freedom in that? The freedom in boasting in your weakness? When darkness comes, to know with absolute certainty that Jesus the Messiah will be there to comfort you is the highest form of freedom. July 4, 1776 has got nothing on that. James 1:2-4 has been a continuous reminder, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

The last 11 years have not only seen a lot of change in my heart, but also in the world. In August of 2004 I was still living in Macon. George W Bush was still POTUS. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were at their hottest, with reports of the Battle of Fallujah leaving a mark on my mind. The term "IED" became a household term, as we heard about these terrible devices nearly by the day. In August of 2004, only 3 years removed from 9/11, the base the Statue of Liberty finally reopened to tourists. Fear continued to grip the nation, as we allowed laws to be passed that tightened the grip on personal liberty. This shaped my view of the government and showed me how weak a fearful nation can be. These decisions, made hastily in the face of fear, continue to leave a dark shadow on the US. Furthermore, Hurricane Katrina happened. The first black President was elected. The last eleven years have certainly left their mark in the history books.

When I started with this company the first iPhone had yet to be released. If Karl Marx so famously said, "religion is the opiate of the masses," what would he say about the smartphone plague? Entertainment to continue to numb your senses and refocus your attention is now with you everywhere and continuously updated.

The company moved me around a good bit. In 2007 I moved to Richmond, Virginia. I quickly fell in love with that city. I'm thankful for the people I met there and the friends I made. Two people in particular planted seeds in my heart that God eventually grew into something beautiful. I am humbled by the patience that God placed in their hearts. A patience, or forbearance, that was necessary in dealing with a jack-wagon like myself. A patience, or longsuffering, that was born out of love that came directly from the Holy Spirit that is poured directly into our hearts. To them I say "thank you." James ends his letter with this, "My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." Soli Deo Gloria.

I then lived in Baltimore, Maryland for a year. Taken away from a place I had only just come to call home. This is where my weakness took hold of my life. I was foolish and continuously sought refuge in things that are not of God. I placed idols, if you will, in my heart before God. This can be anything; drink, food, work, entertainment. I was alone, hurting, and attempted to find solace in temporary devices.  I was so relieved when work took me back to Richmond for a year (where I continued to make mistakes), then it was off to Kennesaw, Georgia. Hurting more than ever, I found myself accepting an invitation to a church. I denied it a few times, thinking it wasn't for me. I was stubborn, but eventually listened to a few of the sermon podcasts. The word of God cut deep into my heart. Despite the fact that the friend who invited me was out of town, I had to go to this church that very Sunday.

The friends I made through this fellowship quickly became my brothers and sisters; teaching me, encouraging me, affirming me, edifying me. And to think that the church is actually a gathering of sinners who have recognized their need for a Savior. Our mutual need for a Savior has lined our lives up to an intersecting point at Vertical Life Church. Which I never would have heard of if it were not for the company moving me to Kennesaw. Scripture, prayer, and fellowship have been an immeasurable provision of grace in my life. Through these gifts I have learned that life is not about my personal satisfaction; the chief end of man is to glorify God. We are made righteous by pursuing His righteousness.

"And the effect of righteousness will be peace,

and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever." (Isaiah 32:17)

Thankfully, this pursuit of holiness never ends. I am shown new grace and mercy daily. "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own" (Philippians 3:16). Through this confidence found in Christ alone, this day of transition will be set aside as a monument to all that He has done in my heart. Anxiousness has no place in my heart, for everything is lifted to God in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving (Philippians 3:6, paraphrased).

If you've made it this far through an out of control wall of text, know that you are in my prayers. Brothers and sisters, thank you. And if you have yet to begin your walk with Christ, I pray that He make Himself known to you. Let my story testify to the reality of God, his mercy, and salvation. His timing is perfect in all cases.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." (Phil 4:4)